Jared John Bucholz

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George was walking along some sharp rocks right next to the sea. He wasn’t expecting much, being thoroughly bored even, when by chance he saw what appeared to be a large fish. However, it wasn’t a fish. It was a mermaid. And when the mermaid realized a human had seen her, she knew what she had to do.

She swam up to the rocks and said in plain English, since that was the language George spoke, “Hello.”

George was shocked, as any of us would have been. The creature looked more like a fish than a woman. But it definitely resembled a woman. She was green all over, and her tail looked like that of a tuna fish. Her hair reminded him of brown seaweed. While the other parts of her, for whatever reason, reminded him of his second wife.

He considered himself to be a smart kind of person. Smart, as in fast on his feet. Fast on his feet, as in able to make a quick buck the moment an opportunity presented itself. He was able to do this even if he didn’t need to, and even if it was at the expense of someone else. You see George thought that conscience was nothing more than human imagination, created by society, for the sake of society. He said this quite often actually, especially if he was drunk at a party.

In the moment, still standing on the sharp rocks, George saw an opportunity. There was a condo he had been eying on that very beach, one that was a bit out of his price range. He asked the mermaid, “Do you ever get tired of the sea?”

She answered, “It’s so big. How could I get tired of it?”

“What if I told you that there was a place better than the sea?”

The mermaid was quiet for a moment, “Is there water? I’ll die without water.”

He laughed, “Of course there’s water.”

She smiled, “What’s it called?”

He answered, “A zoo.”

She thought for a moment and then began to swim around in a circle. George stared at her intently. The mermaid stopped and asked, “Is it better than Atlantis?”

George saw another opportunity; an opportunity much bigger than the one looking at him.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been to Atlantis, but I’ve heard about it. How about this, you show me Atlantis, and I’ll show you a zoo.”

Without a second thought, she softly replied, “Okay.”

George was so excited he couldn’t speak. But his wits came back to him.

“But how will I breathe underwater?”

She laughed, “Silly, don’t you know? All I have to do is bite you, and you’ll be able to breathe underwater.”

George didn’t see the logic behind her answer. But then again, just a few moments prior, he had never believed in mermaids. He climbed down from the rocks and then waded into the water.

The mermaid gently pulled him under the waves, and then took a small nibble of his neck. George was euphoric, until he realized he still couldn’t breathe. He struggled and struggled, but the mermaid wouldn’t let go. He drowned. The last thing he noticed was that her hair no longer looked brown, but green. It was a beautiful, exquisite green.

After she devoured his hands, arms, and legs, her colorless eyes looked at his now blue face. It looked funny to her, being all bloated, and in her own language she said out loud, “I can’t believe he thought I didn’t know what a zoo was.”